wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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