you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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