Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
