Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
