Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
please don't ironically join a cult
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