Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
