on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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