You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
