we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
