3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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