Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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