Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I believe in your delicious
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
