just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
