hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
