And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
