So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
