it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
