I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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