1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize