i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
