dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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