you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
