I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize