I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
