So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
