alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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