I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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