my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
