we have pet lesbian snakes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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