Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
