just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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