then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
