He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
