It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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