And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
