Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
