At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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