She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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