I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
