So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
