It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
