you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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