Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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