I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
