After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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