how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
