This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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