y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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