these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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