I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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