just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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