Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
