Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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