I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
