Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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