my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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