Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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