He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
