i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
