Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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