omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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