I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
