Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
