Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
