my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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