turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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