With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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