does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
