life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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