hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
