I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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